my life is boring.

Life after musical has been so weird. It is hard when something that was a huge part of your life is suddenly just over. Especially when it's something that you loved and you worked hard to make amazing. I still feel a bit empty.

After things like this I often get the need to do something creative. I don't really care what it is, but I feel I need to create something to express how I feel. Draw, write, compose, photograph. Usually I never get anything done though. I'm so frustrated because of all the time I have that I'm unable to settle down and concentrate on something specific. Then I just end up doing something for a moment, getting annoyed because it is not working and moving on to something else that is not going to work either. And after that I just decide go jogging because I have to some way get rid of all the energy I have. And then my legs hurt and I can't walk.

I've been thinking lately (actually I got the idea from my grandparents) that I'd love to write a book about my year. Just for fun, just so I would remember everything that happened. This is just dreaming, but it wouldn't be impossible. I do love writing and now I'd at least have something to write about. I have my blog and I know what happened and when. Knowing me it would probably be hard to keep the facts. My mind is all over the place, for me it's boring just to write about what actually happened. Then it would become fiction. I would mess up the facts and add in things that would make it more interesting (mostly for myself to write). At least I wouldn't hurt anybody with my sarcasm. Not that anybody in America would read it anyway. It sure would not be pretty little stories about the America of my dreams. Still I'm scared to even start anything, I'm too afraid it would be another failed try to create something. And it would be way too scary to let people know what is going on in my mind. Literally.

Most of the time I don't know it myself. I've been really tired lately (even though I've slept almost 9 hours every night). I've had this really weird mood, probably mostly caused because of my tiredness. Any little thing just changes my whole mood, I can be really happy and then suddenly almost depressed and then angry and then happy again. For example music affects me that way right now. I seriously just think I need something to do, other than playing with the boys. I've been spending a lot of time with them and Laura and Jack. It has been really nice to spend time with them and explore Uniontown. Not that there would be much to explore.

That's the thing, there really isn't anything to do. It is making me anxious in this weird way. I can't get rid of the feeling. I want to do something crazy and feel that I am living, maybe then I'll feel better. I know it's just me, it's just inside my head, because everything is going fine and nothing is really wrong. The only problem is I have way too much time to think and way too much time to spend with just my thoughts.

(All the pictures above are from last Saturday, we went up to the cross in the mountains. It's a big cross, I can see it from my window. You can basically see it from anywhere. And from there you can see everything. It's so beautiful.)

These pictures I took of the super moon last weekend!

Oh and I won our schools art show's drawing part with my self portrait! And got second place with my Mandola in the Mandola category. I have no idea how to explain what it is but here's a picture of my Mandola:

/EDIT:

I wrote this earlier but couldn't publish it yet. I already feel better now because I got to do something on Friday. And part of it was rather crazy too (spontaneously going to eat ice-cream in the middle of night when it is freezing cold outside). I love my friends.

Anniina kiittää.

My High School Musical

I don’t even know where to start. So much has happened recently. I am dead tired, happy and sad at the same time. I’m trying to make sense but I can’t promise anything. This is going to be so hard, I really want to write well so that everybody could feel how I feel right now. This will probably just sound like I’m talking to myself.

I will tell you more about the musical shows later; I have to go in order to make any sense. On the weekend few weeks ago we had a ski trip to Seven Springs with the exchange students. Both inbounds (exchange students here in my district right now) and the outbounds (American students who are leaving for an exchange year after summer) were there. There are two girls going to Finland this year! I was really excited to meet them and learn why they decided to go to Finland. I also taught them some basics of Finnish language so they would be prepared somehow.

It was the first time I went skiing here in America and I had fun. I thought it was funny that the Europeans could ski well, the Americans could ski somehow and the students from South-America couldn't ski at all. Overall it was a good weekend and it was nice to see everybody, I haven’t seen them since Halloween party in Johnstown! Isn't that crazy…

Even though the ski trip was fun, it also meant that I couldn’t have a weekend off just relaxing. I really would have needed it because of musical. My life has been nothing but school, painting and musical. I volunteered to paint some set pieces to musical and I worked on those during school and musical for about a week. After all I learned that it doesn’t really matter. After the trip we had our tech week, which basically just means that we spend all of our time on that stage. We started costume rehearsals and then make-up run-throughs. I realized how lucky I was to have my part, I really love it. It’s perfect. And I love the musical too, I think it's a good musical. Funny.

On that Friday we had a small performance at the middle school. We didn’t run the whole show, just some certain parts. It was a half day of school and we didn’t have to attend classes at all. We got out around 11 and decided to go to a playground with some of the cast. Oh how I love being like a little kid and just playing. It was nice out and I took a lot of pictures.

Alyssa, Shulbyy and me!

Me and Nick!

After that we went to a Chinese buffet to eat and then to Walmart just to be goofy (Somehow we always find our way to Walmart). We went to the cell phone section and played with the phones doing Telephone Hour which is one number from the show. People loved it and we didn’t get yelled at! People ran around with masks on and nobody cared but then when we started singing Healthy, Normal, American Boy, some dude came yelling at us and asking what the heck we were doing. Umm… Singing? Is that a crime? Apparently it is. Apparently showing happiness is a crime in America. At least around Walmart areas. We nicely suggested that we could just leave the store and he said go ahead. So, crazy experiences in America.

Getting kicked out of Walmart – check!

That Saturday was our last Saturday practice. I don’t have any clue what happened at the practice. I just don’t remember. One thing I have to say: musical is much more fun when we get to eat at some point and we don’t have to starve. I thought that we would have stayed until 10 PM, but we got out around six already. After that we just went out to eat with some of the cast.

On Sunday I went to see Connelsville’s high school musical, Grease. Connelsville is a small town close to Uniontown. Their school is bigger than ours and the cast of the musical was huge. It was the first high school musical I ever saw and I was pretty excited. That gave me an idea how the high schools musicals are. The rest of the day is just laid down doing nothing and it felt pretty amazing.

I don’t remember much about the next school week. I’m sure I acted like a zombie during the school days and then tried my hardest to make the show amazing on stage after school. Tuesday was our last practice without audience. It was horrible. Just horrible. At 8 o’clock we had basically got nothing done and besides our lead was really sick and had high fever. After that practice some people stayed for a minute. I think it was Shelby who started crying. Of course everyone followed. I would be the one who started bawling. Of course everyone followed. In the end we stood on the stage crying like little babies.

On that night I thought we would never ever do great the next day. It was awful, I was so tired and I felt like crap. I was wrong though. Wednesday's show was not amazing but it was really good. I was super glad I didn't have to go to any classes that day. The performance was just for sixth graders and they didn't get much of it so we didn't get much response from the audience. After that show I think all of us were much more confident about the show. After the show we went to Vanessa's to watch some of their musicals from last years.

Shulby and Sara!

Thursday and Friday were the worst days to be in school. It really sucked to wake up early and then wait the whole day for the performance. After school me and Greer got something to eat and came back to the school right away. We got our hair done and we did our make up. Then we ran around like bunch of chickens. We had a few dance parties that really got us pumped up. Ari (who is the cutest baby ginger on this earth btw.) started the show. I was not nervous at all. Sometimes I don't understand myself. I was so nervous at the auditions that I was unable to function at all. And then before the actual show, with hundreds of people watching I'm cool. No problem.

My little baby ginger!!! ♥

I would like this picture more if I didn't look like a squirrel. It is Miss Groves!

Once again I realized how much I love performing and being on the stage. It's so much fun. Thursday, Friday and Saturday were the best nights ever. I wish I could continue doing this forever. All the people I met, all the friends I made. You guys are absolutely amazing. I have a musical family now. Before Saturday's last show all the Seniors (and me, because everybody kept telling me I count as a senior) got to say something. When the boys start crying, there's not a lot of people that can hold it. Even though Seniors go away, they still get to come back and see each other. They still get to come back and see the future musicals in Laurel Highlands. They still get to have same kind of experiences in college's musicals. And me? I go back to Finland and probably never see them again in my life. I really really wish that I could somehow bring high school musicals to Finland.

Me and GRRR

Alexis being crazy ♥

Clairesa, Sam, Greer, me, Vanessa, BabyGinger and Shelby on Saturday.

Now it's all over and I don’t know what to say or how to feel. I never thought it would take this much of my time. Even though many things sucked (especially when I found out that everything could’ve been so much better), it was the best experience of my whole exchange year so far. I really don’t think anything will beat it. I learned so much but most importantly I got amazing friends who I will miss so much when I go back home. Words can’t even describe how much. It is crazy that I didn't know anybody when I first came to this school. Now look at me, I know and love so many people! I feel like there's a lot more that I could and should say, but I can't. I used all of my energy writing this.

I feel empty.

Anniina kiittää.

PS.